Another one....

Another one comes into my life.....someone from my past. Ritchie. BOY did the feelings that I had supressed from such a long time ago come back BIG time. NOW i am trying to sort them out. IT is tough. even though I have been observant that height and build can be intimidating on a man, I am trying to be respectful of a man's space. I love him so much but it is SOOOO hard. :( I dont know what to do.

h*ll hath no fury.....

*sigh*
its been quite a trip these few weeks.....Brian has been injured in a tractor accident. I bawled my eyes out when I found out! I couldnt stop crying for at least a good 40 minutes! NOW....Whenever Frann and I go to a bridal show and we pass either Nashua OR epping either coming to or FROM the show....I TRY to convince adam to stop by so I can see Brian and see if hes ok. I worry about him. I love him all to pieces; hes the 1st man that has made me feel this happy. every single time I see OR talk to him he makes me laugh AND he puts a smile on my face. Loving someone and BEING IN LOVE with them are TWO TOTALLY different things.

So why do I feel so damned pissed at frann that I want to rip her head off??? like....HOW DARE she?? its like she developed a heart of ice overnight!! WTF???

Now frann is complaining of being tired.....time limits....etc. if shes gonna start this....HELL NO im not gonna go anywhere with her anymore. perhaps brian was right.....Frann=drama!! :(

karma...

karma seems to me coming at me full steam...im finally realizing what my feelings are for a man i met a while back and I cannot admit them to him. I need to sort them out before I get the guts together to admit my feelings to him and to the public. BUT I do know at this time that this is a WHOLE waste of time. The reason being is because I know that my feelings are not mutual. He is one of the rare men that came across my path...and it is frustrating that I can never have him the way that I want to. the best thing to do is to forget about him and let him go. less heartache on me.

WHY???

WHY does it now have to feel like im not needed anymore? I have now moved here to NH.....been here since may of this year and now why do i feel like im not needed?? should I move back to bangor?? i know those thoughts are going to be floating through my mind for the next few days....because i need to think big time.

Anesa

hello to all

well hello to all: I am back and all settled down. i am in the wonderful city of Dover NH and have some GREAT friends in life.

Since my ex left me for that damned TWO TIMING BIMBO who was my supposed best friend....i have been taking my time and assessing my life into ONE STATEMENT...I dont need anyone from the opposite sex. Men are a waste of time and it damages the ego. they are better off as friends. NO I AM NOT A LESBIAN. dont even go there. I am better off as a woman by myself and having MALE FRIENDS. One man snuck into my male heart and he broke it: im still slowly repairing it. **starts to cry from the memories**
Yes I will always love him.
Rob(The man who broke my heart)...he basically started going out with a girl when i was DROPPING hints LEFT AND RIGHT all over job corps. i can see right into it....rob never loved me...he was playing right with my emotions. he was never a friend to me much less than ever loving me at all. He says he wants "intimacy"?? Yeah right. hes gonna remain a 38 year old virgin for the rest of his fu**ing life.....pardon my language. =((

Now i feel better......a little.

im gonna have to get in a better mood someway. :(

Anesa

time to vent

Well i dont know what the hell is going on but it seems like i am being kicked to the curb again. I have been in a WONDERFUL and MEANINGFUL relationship for the past 6 1/2 months with a GREAT man and YET he tells me than he doesnt feel the "spark" that should be between us. Talk about bullshit. in the last 1/2 month he wont touch me. not one bit. I know in my deep down gut that he is seeing someone else on the sly. in all the relationships that I have been in since I started dating since I was 16, this is the ONE that I have been the most happiest in. he wont talk to me and he wont touch me. first he says that he wants to stay and "help me". NOW, last night he says hes gonna possibly send me back to bangor. but I can see right through his BS and head games. if he is going to be like this i am going to eliminate myself from his life. he wont be able to find me......when I get my cellphone i wont give him the number. it will save him the pain of dealing with me. he says that I will find someone better than him. yeah right. bull. im not that lucky. NO WOMAN is that lucky. I DO ADMIT that I DO love him and I ALWAYS WILL........but I know that he will never come back. Im not holding my breath.